So i'm feeling a bit down...
I remember feeling so ready for this hair year. I remember thinking I have solved all my major hair problems and so 2013 should be nothing but growth. I was so wrong *sigh*. When it gets to this time of year I like to sit back and look over the past year- see what went well and what didn't. So why not do the same on this here blog?
The year started off so strong. I had no reason to think that I wouldn't reach my goal of full APL by the end of the year. I had my finger detangling routine down which was my main headache of 2012 and I was a few months into making my own products so my washing woes were over.
Towards the end of January I put my hair in mini twists for the first time and I fell in love. I was so excited about how full they were and how they fell into a perfect bob shape despite the fact that my hair is incredibly uneven. I was also surprised at how smooth and unfuzzy they were, which was a definite testament of my change in products because my hair used to be fuzz city. The twists were so convenient and allowed me the security of a protective style with the flexibility of loose hair. I wore them for a month.
Come March I was still high on how well my hair was doing. It was the longest, thickest and healthiest that it had ever been, I was amazed! The bentonite wash was still doing wonders and in this month I put the finishing touches on my own detangler so I was able to say goodbye to the Faith In Nature conditioners and solely use my own products. I had so much hair I hardly knew what to do with it!
But despite the sheer magnitude of it all I was having so much fun with it. I was enjoying styling it and taking care of it and just reveled in the flyness of it. I felt like everything had finally clicked into place.
Now this is when the hair-ish hits the hair-fan. I experienced chronic stress for the first and I hope last time in my life. It was insane! I had heart palpitations, I would eat massive amounts of food and still be hungry AND my skin lost its pallor- I literally turned grey!
This was all strange for me because i'm normally a cool and collected person. Seriously, I don't normally get stressed. I experience stressful sitches all the time but it doesn't usually affect me. But during this time it was as if all the stress I hadn't felt in my life joined together to sucker punch me in the gut!
Guess what else happened? Yep, my hair fell out. Alot. Like giant balls of hair. Over the course of those months a little over a third of my hair fell out, no exaggeration. But I didn't even realise the full extent of it at the time, I had other things going on!
So the stressors passed and my body drew itself out of defense mode. By this point I was like "hmm my hair isn't as thick as it used to be. Or as long as it used to be"... "Did I always have that short patch at the back?"... So I had some concept of loss but it was summer! I had ish to do, jobs to work, uni to prep for so I didn't let it phase me. And plus my hair loved summer. I formulated a moisturiser that had just the right amount of glycerine and shea to keep my hair soft for days so I felt fly. My hair felt ten feet tall.
Then uni started and again I didn't have time to worry about hair loss. See I still had hair on my head. It didn't look damaged or thin, it was just less than what I had before- and I was the only one that could tell. I still rocked the flyest updo's and enjoyed my hair!
So why the down-ness? Screw the down-ness! I wrote the first half of this post ten days ago after watching a clip of my hair at the end of 2012 when it was bountiful, booming and full of potential. It was at that moment that I saw the FULL extent of the loss and it got me down. It was like mourning... except 6 months after the fact.
New Years Eve. I told you I ain't mad!
But it has been 6 months guys. So after processing, it's hard to mourn the loss of hair when you have 6 months worth of growth coming through if that makes any sense. It's also hard to mourn the loss of hair when right after you realise what you lost it's the holiday season and you get to spend time with your family. Then the year ends and everything is put into perspective.
So with a less gloomy outlook I was able to celebrate the hair year that I had because I accomplished ALOT. I have my maintenance routine down to a Tee. My products just make my hair life so much easier in every way and I took my styling game to new levels in 2013. So the factors that I could control? I controlled the heck outta! The factor that I couldn't control? *shrugs* I ain't mad no mo'
It's a new year. It's already starting to grow back and I had so much hair before that a half density loss just makes my hair look normal! (LOL) so what do I have to complain about? Nada!